Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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