We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
