I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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