this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
