Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
