Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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