Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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