i just had sex bonerless
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
