He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
