But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
