i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
