i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
