she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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