you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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