I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
