im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
