Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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