Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
