Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
