I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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