he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
