I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
