All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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