I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
