But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
