the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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