He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
