Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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