Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
