Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
