At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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