wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
