Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
