She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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