in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You've changed since you got that strap on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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