my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
