Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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