the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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