Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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