I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
