omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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