Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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