Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
