Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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