I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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