Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
