Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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