I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
