Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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