Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
