I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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