If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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