mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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