I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
