when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
