so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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