Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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