I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
