this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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