i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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