Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
