pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
