There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this just has baby written all over it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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