throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize