felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
