So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
