I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
