I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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