how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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