News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
handjob tips. give me some.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Randomize
