i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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