After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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