I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
