When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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