How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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