oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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