What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
