okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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