I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
