just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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