that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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