I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
