You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't deserve a penis
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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