I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
