M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
