i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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