Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
