I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize