I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
