Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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