She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love having hate sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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