I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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