i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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